High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
