Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
