Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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