Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
