i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
