Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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