Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
