thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
