Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
