he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
