Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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