um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
