you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
