when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
