Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
