i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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