Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
