Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
