Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
