my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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