So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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