Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
