did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
