If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
