he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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