every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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