In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
