piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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