I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
