i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize