just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
