The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did you pee in the oven last night??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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