so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
