I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
