I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
