Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
