Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
