hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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