Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
