Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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