You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
God I need to hump something, right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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