we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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