Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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