so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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