they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
