Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
