I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
