When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize