party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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