i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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