why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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