...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize