No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
