Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
