Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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