What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize