Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
