I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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