He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
