You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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