dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
