i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
