Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
