When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
