Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize