Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
vagina is talking i cant
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
