You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
