I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize