Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize