So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
