I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
