You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
