I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
