Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
