I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
