So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
sarcasm needs its own font
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
