My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
it's like iHOP with fire
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize