i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
