Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
