I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
