feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
