I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
