RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
