can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
