I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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