he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
