did you get engaged???
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize