If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
