I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize