I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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