end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize